Brother Negan
by mackd
Summary: The story of the young Negan, the college years. Before the apocalypse, before even his job as high school gym teacher. The shenanigans of Negan, the co-founder and President of Sigma Theta Nu and their wacky adventures, circa early 1990's.
1. Chapter 1

**{warning, contains profane, homophobic and sexist language}**

 **Chapter 01 - What a Hella Week!**

 _September 20, 1989_

 _9:00 PM_

 _Sigma Theta Nu house_

Inside a large, dimly lit room, roughly 65 degrees, stood a row of college Freshmen. Stripped down to their underwear, with partial blindfolds around their eyes, their knees starting to buckle from standing so long. Two young men in late 80's "Cosby sweaters" yelling insults at them.

" **YOU MAGGOTS DON'T DESERVE TO BE NEGANS.** " - yelled one young man.

Meanwhile, in another room, there sat a 23 year old guy in a leather chair; dressed in attire best described as a cross of an 80's fraternity villain and a biker gang member. A knock on his door.

"Come in" – said the man

"Brother Negan!" - said Brother J'ones, walking into the room.

"Yes, Brother J'ones" - said Brother Negan

"The beers from our beer run have arrived." - said Brother J'ones.

"Excellent. How many did you bring." - said Brother Negan

"120 beers. 70 domestic, 50 foreign. 30 of them are micro-brewed" - said Brother J'ones.

"Excellent work. This will be worth at least 350 points, give or take 30. Good work Brother J'ones" - said Negan

"Now, whats the situation with the new crop of pledges" - continued Negan.

"Sir, we are down to 20. We need to cut 8 more for our final 12" - said J'ones

"Way rad. We're not even halfway through Hell Week yet. Good work." - said Brother Negan

"Ok, mine if I join the party" - continued Negan

"Sure thing"

Brother Negan got up out of his chair, and opened a closet door. A modified baseball bat, with round on one half, and a square flat surface on the other side. Brother Negan grabs the bat, makes his way out of the room and walks downstairs.

The young men are standing, shivering from cold, as the young Negan walks in, slowly circling them.

"Tsk tsk tsk. Oh, so you want to join Sigma Phi Nu you fucking faggots. You want to join to get all the pussy you want. Why?"

"Let me guess"

"Because. You. Can. NOT. Get. Pussy. On **YOUR. OWN!** You pathetic sacks so shits!" - yelled Negan as he smacked a random pledge in the butt with his modified bat / paddle.

"None of you can get pussy on your own, so you need to join a fucking fraternity to get some. Ain't that right." - laughed Negan

Meanwhile a young pledge started peeing and holding back tears.

"Ok, now, who gets the next one. Heh heh heh" - continued Negan

"Enie" - points to a pledge with the modified bat

"Minie" – points to the next one.

"Miney" - points to the next one.

The next pledge closes his eyes and starts sobbing.

"Moe" - the bat is touching the chin of the pledge's nose, now fully crying.

"Ahhhha ahhh ahhhhhhhhhhh". - said Negan walking away slowly.

"Who the fuck are you, you fucking faggots. **WHO ARE YOU**!"

" **We are Negan, sir** " - chanted the pledges in unison, one lagging by a half-second.

"You're not Negan. You don't deserve to be a Negan. You sacks of shit. None of you should be Negan" - pause

"But" - another pause

"Unfortunately," - said Negan, then continued

"I have to let 12 of you in. That means that the 12 least, undeserving, least shitty of you, of the bottom of the shit barrel will get in." - said Negan, sighing

Then, slowly walking towards the lagging pledge. Negan lifted the bat and with full strength swung at the pledge's butt and smacked him. Then smacked him again. And again and again.

"Get the fakoutha here." - pointed with his thumb towards the door.

The pledge falls to the ground as the two young men in Cosby sweaters help him up. They politely escort him out and give him back his clothing, neatly folded.

"Thank you for pledging Sigma Phi Nu, the world's best fraternity. May we wish you the best of luck."

"And then there were 19. Lets call it a day." - said Negan with a smirk


	2. Chapter 2 -- Ping Pong

**Chapter 2 – Ping Pong**

 _September 21 1989_

 _11:00 AM_

 _Near the Sigma Theta Nu house_

"Hey hey, Ho ho. This sexist party got to go. Hey hey, Ho Ho. This sexist party got to go. Hey hey, ho ho." – chanted a group of mostly white female protesters, gathered about 500 yards from the Sigma Theta Hu house, protesting the fraternity.

Shot through the heart. And you're tooo late. You give lovvvee, a bad name - Blasted from the speakers while Negan and several other frat brothers were standing around on the 3rd floor balcony, drinking beers, 2 of them with binoculars in their hands.

"Ah. My favorite time of the year" – said Brother Negan.

"Hot babes standing around right in front our eyes" – continued.

"Well, at least a few of them are anyway. Most of them are ugly and fat. Probably why they became feminists. See any diamonds in the rough fellas" – continued Negan.

"I spot a few nice ones" – said a frat brother, zooming in on a random woman's breasts in a green dress.

"That ugly broad" – replied Brother J'ones.

"Man, shut the fuck up man. She's cute." – rebutted the frat brother

"Ohhh. I fucking forgot. You're into them chubby chicks" – laughed Negan.

"Man, forget you fools. She got big titties and a nice ass." – rebutted the frat brother, zooming in closely.

"Fat chicks do tend to give bigger breasts. I guess he kinda has a point. And she's still young with a pretty face" – conceded J'ones.

"Fair enough" – said Negan. 

"Ok, you boys have fun. I have work to do." – continued Brother Negan as we walked back into the house.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Meanwhile, back in the frat house, 19 nervous Freshmen pledges stood around in gym shorts and gym shirts. A few still had red marks near their bottoms from Negan's paddling.

"Hi guys" – said Negan

"Did you miss me." – continued.

"We're going to play a little game." – said Negan, padding his bat/paddle with his hand.

Negan swings the paddle towards a pledge as he flinches, closing his eyes. Negan then throws a ping pong ball up in the air and bats the ball in mid air. The ball flies and then the ground and rolls away from the group.

"Ping pong" – said Negan, laughing.

"One-on-one. Whichever one of you fuckers scores the most points on me advances." – said Negan.

Negan then proceeded to a closet and grabbed ping pong paddles.

"ok gentlemen. Standard regulation ping-pong rules. No shenanigans, house rules, or any fraternity-type made up bullshit. Just standard, regular, single-set, 1st to 21 wins. Capice?" – said Negan, handing out the pledges their paddles. Lining them up for a round-robin type play.

-The next 2 hours -

** Ping **, **pong**, **wack**, ****** pong*. Fucking-Ah. **wack, pong**. Fuck-yeah, is that all you pussies got! **pong**.

"Match point, Negan"  
** pong, ping** Fuck yeah, you suck.

**wack**

\- /The next 2 hours -

"Thats game. Negan wins, 21-4" – said the referee, pointing to a chalkboard with a table of scores.

1 of the 19 pledges lost 21-10. 2 lost 21-8. 3 lost 21-7. 1 lost 21-6. 2 lost 21-5. 5 lost 21-4. 2 lost 21-3. 2 lost 21-2. 1 lost 21-0.

Two of Negan's minions approach the bottom 3 pledges and point them towards the exit.

Negan then points to the 2 young pledges who each lost 21 to 3, walking slowly towards them.

"Who are you guys. What are you names and majors" – asked Negan

" m. m m Mike. Biology major" – said Mike

"Oscor. Ecec. Ec-onomics" – said Oscar.

Negans paddles each of the two men once.

"I said **WHO ARE YOU** "

"Oh. I meant I am Negan, Sir." - Oscar

"We are Negan, sir" – Mike

"Ok. you two. A quick fucking game to 5. One-on-one. Switch serves after every point. No win-by-two bullshit. Now, who will serve first" – said Negan.

"I will." – said both men at the same time.

Rock / Paper; threw Oscar / Mike respectfully.

"Ok Mike, you serve first" – said Negan, pointing to the 3 referees.

*** pong, ping, pong, ping ***

–- moments later-

"4-4, Mike's serve. Next point wins" - said a ref.

Mike shoots a quick serve, returned, and Mike shoots a slammer which causes Oscar to trip and fall and he returns.

Mike pounds the ball in the opposite direction as Oscar dives for the ball on the other side and falls face down to the ground.

The ball flys low and barely hits the side of the board of the table and falls to the ground.

"Point Mi-." – said a referee.

"Point Oscar" – said another referee, interrupting the other mid-sentence.

All eyes now on the 3rd ref, who looked a bit like he might have been caught in a daze not paying attention.

"Point Oscar." – said the ref.

" **What!? Thats bullshit!** " – yelled Mike.

"That was out of bounds. Are you blind. It didn't even hit the edge." – continued

"And besides, the ball didn't fly over the net. And hell, if the net extended beyond the plane, the ball would hit the net. Come on guys, at least do a do-over" – pleaded his case.

"Game over. Oscar 5, Mike 4." – Said Negan.

"Man, this is some bullshit." – said Mike, walking towards the other 3 young men getting escorted out of the Sigma Theta Nu house.


	3. Chapter 3 -- The Final Twelve

**Chapter 3 – The final twelve**

 _September 21 1989_

 _7:00 PM_

 _Sigma Theta Nu house_

The sixteen remaining pledges were celebrating surviving the next round of elimination, milling around, chatting and laughing, some drinking light beers.

"Would you like a beer?" said a fellow pledge to Oscar.

"No thank you," replied Oscar, figuring staying sober would help his chances advance. "Knock yourself out."

Suddenly, the door opened as Negan slowly walked in the room. Some stopped talking and turned their attention to him, while others didn't notice and continued talking. Negan took out a a small air-horn out of his pocket and proceeded to blow it. Oscar covered his ears knowing what was about to come.

"Eeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed the air-horn as most of the pledges covered their ears in pain.

"Ok ladies. I see I got your attention." said Negan. "Now, where were we. Oh yeah, thats right. We need to figure out which one of you is the _least not worthy_ of being a Negan."

"We're going to finish our little game of ping-pong. Only with several," Negan pauses, " _improvements_." said Negan as he handed out several ping-pong balls to each of the pledges, who inspected them.

The balls were heavy, filled with a mixture of vodka and water, with scotch tape covering where the holes were drilled. Negan then unfolded a piece of paper and called out eight names, which were the better ranked players from the previous round.

"If I called your name, you are safe. Congratulations, you are now a Negan. Feel free to take the tape off and celebrate. Now, the rest of you, come with me. The four of you will become Negans, and the other four will get the fuck out of this house." said Negan as he proceeded to explain the rules.

"Each of you will play a single game against each other, first to get three points wins. Each win is worth 1 point. Each spot from the bottom of your current rank is worth 1 point. At the end of this round, you will be stacked according to the most points. In case of a tie, point differential is the first tie breaker, then most points scored, then head-to-head, then finally a coin toss."

"After the first round, the bottom 2 play against each other, the loser goes home. The winner playes the next one, and so on and on. I think that about covers it. Oh, wait." Negan pauses "I almost forgot, one more rule."

"If you lose the point, you must drink whats in ball. Don't worry, its _mostly_ water. Mostly!" said Negan with a grin.

"And we will be checking the contents afterwards. Oh yeah, and, if you puke. You are disqualified and are out. Now, play ball" said Negan pointing to five referees that he picked, including the one who blown the previous call.

Oscar looked at the scoreboard, unhappy that he's in last place. " _Well, at least I didn't drink so that's a small advantage."_ thought Oscar

**ping pong, slam, pow, pong, ping ** continued the game.

After it was all over, Oscar looked at the scoreboard. 4 wins, 3 losses, +3 score differential, 18 points forward. Ranked 5th, or 4rd from from the bottom. " _Not bad. I just need one win to advance."_ thoughtOscar, buzzed as he felt his stomach churning from the alcohol, while the top three players celebrated, one puking.

"Thats ok," said Negan, "you are already safe if you're in the top three. Ok, now the game is up to 5, again no win-by-two bullshit."

** ping, pong, pow** the game continued, as the losing players left, one for disqualification for puking, two for losing the ping pong game. A few of the either safe players threw up.

Next came up Oscar's challenger. Clearly buzzed from the previous matches, won a coin toss and served first. Back and forth, back and forth, Oscar laid a line drive hitting the edge of the table.

"Point Rob" said the ref who blew the call in Oscar's favor earlier that day and made other questionable calls throughout the tournament.

"Fuck" yelled Oscar.

The game continued, **ping, pong, pow** as Oscar threw up a little bit in his mouth. He could taste the nasty acid in his mouth. Pretending to cough, Oscar wiped the puke on his sleeve.

Rob hits a clear line drive, and the head referee says "point Rob. Rob 3, Oscar 2".

Oscar fetches after the ball, picks it up. He then intentionally fumbles the ball and lets it roll into the corner as he fetches for it. Away from the crowd in the corner, Oscar barfs so that nobody sees him and wipes himself with his shirt and walks back to the game.

He servers, Rob returns, then Oscar slams the ball towards the top of the net. **tap tap** the ball hits the table twice as Rob innocently returns it."

"Rob 4, Oscar 2" said the incompetent referee while the other 4 referees got bored with the game and started drinking themselves.

" _Thats the 2_ _nd_ _bad call on me this game. Man, I can not catch a break."_ thought Oscar.

"Hey. Pay attention. Quit dicking around and watch the fucking game" yelled Negan at the 4 other referees.

"Match point!"

Rob servers, ping, pong, pow, then Rob hits a slider that Oscar has no chance to save. Oscar dives for the ball anyway, and wildly hits it falling face down into some puke. Meanwhile, Rob pukes and it begins to fall to the ground.

The wild ball then hits a wall, then the ceiling, then falls to the ground. The 4 referees look at each other confused.

"I think Rob won, because the point was pretty much over before Rob puked." said one ref.

"No, I think Oscar won. The ball hit the ground after Rob puked" said another

"Yeah, but the point was over when the ball first hit the wall" said the 3rd ref.

"Well, I would have said Oscar. Damn, we really should have thought this through before hand. What were the rules again. Do over?" said the 4th ref.

All eyes now fall on the 5th ref.

"Um. Um." said the 5th ref.

"Oscar wins" said the 5th ref.

Oscar sights in relief and pukes again.

"Ok you maggots," Negan points to Oscar and the next two bottom players. "Clean this shit up and you are in." handing them mops.

Oscar starts cleaning, thinking to himself _"Damn, I am actually in a fraternity."_

Hey, asshole," yelled a frat brother at Oscar, looking at him sternly as Oscar gets nervous.

"You missed a spot" pointing to the puddle of puke in the corner. 


	4. Chapter 4 -- Taxman is coming

**Chapter 4 – The Taxman is Coming**

 _April 1, 1989_

 _6:00 PM_

 _Sigma Theta Nu house_

 _(flashback)_

Brother J'ones quietly sat in his office, the 3rd floor of the frat house, filling out paperwork and tax forms. Downstairs on the floor below, the frat members were parting, drinking, milling around and giggling. A few were smoking joints. Their stereo system was playing music loudly.

Brother J'ones slammed his pen on his desk and angrily dunked a folder with forms on the ground.

"Hey, hey. Hey assholes," yelled J'ones as he stormed out of his office down the staircase "keep it down, I am trying to concentrate. Taxes are due in just 2 weeks. We're way behind and we'll miss our deadline."

"We got to move these refrigerators we gotta move these color TV's" blarred the stereo, as a frat brother turned the knob to lower the volume.

"Also, could you dickheads at least stop playing the same song on loop. Jesus fucking Christ" added J'ones.

Another fraternity member opened the cassette component and switched tapes and hit play.

"Cause I'm the taxman, yeah I'm the taxman" played the stero

"Oh ha ha ha" said J'ones.

"Jesus Christ man, he's so uptight" said the frat brother

J'ones went back upstairs and back to his paperwork. One of his three girlfriends stood behind him and started massaging his neck. "You alright" said the girlfriend.

The girl then put her hands down his cheast. "Thats my man. Always taking charge, getting shit done." said the girl moaning.

She then gently caressed his nipples as he swatted her hand away. "Not now" said J'ones.

"You're no fun" said the girl.

**knock knock** A loud know on the front door.

"FBI, open up. We know you're in there" said the man in a deep stern voice.

"I said open up," as one of the frat brothers opened the door.

A group of uniformed men stormed the house as the frat brothers quickly hid their beers and joints.

"We're the FBI. We got called by the IRS and we have a warrent for the arrest of a Brother J'ones" said a uniformed man, as a frat brother points him upstairs.

"What's this about," asked Brother J'ones "I am coming, I am coming."

The uniform man cuffed J'ones's hands behind his back and a group of the uniform men carried him to a van and drove off.

Brother J'ones was taken to a run down building and taken to a dark interrogation room.

"Allright buddy. We got you now. We have you for tax fraud and money laundering. We have witnesses testifying that you're stealing and running a drug cartel using your fraternity as cover." said the interrogator.

"What, no, this is a big misunderstanding"

"Oh yeah. We found this," said the interrogator holding a joint "We found this at your residence. Explain that"

"Come on man, this isn't even mine."

"Ha. Thats what they all say. Racketeering, conspiracy. Possible mob activity. You're looking at 10 years in the penitentiary tough guy"

"I am not a tough guy. Come on man. I am not a drug guy. I am not a mobster." said J'ones, holding back tears and peeing himself a bit.

"Look, I am nobody. I am just some rich spoiled kid. Hell, I am not even rich. My daddy is rich. You got to believe me. I am just a college kid man. **sniff** I co-founded a fraternity because thats the only way I could get laid or get popular man. I can't even join a real fraternity because I can't take the hits or get people to like me. So I used my daddys money to start my own fraternity. I paid my way out of getting paddled man. I am about one step above a guy who pays for sex. Come on man, you got to believe me."

"Shut the fuck up. Tell me who else is in on this and we'll go easy on you" said the interrogator.

J'ones changed his demeanor, and attempted to look tough.

"Look, I know my rights man. Get me a lawyer motherfuckers. And give me your badge number." said J'ones sternly

"You hear that boys. He wants my badge number" said the integrator laughing.

"And I want my phone call. I am calling my dad. When he's done with you, he'll sue the shit out of you and I'll own this building, you hear me. You hear me." yelled J'ones.

"Alright. You can have your lawyer. I guess we'll just put you in jail for a few days before you get bail. Believe me, I don't think you'll do well in prison. Heh heh heh," said the integrator. "Oh, here comes my boss. I guess maybe he'll talk some sense into you."

The door squeaked open as everyone turned towards it. J'ones got very nervous as the door started slowly opening. He could faintly see the F.B.I. acronym from top to bottom on the person's blue shirt. The door opened all the way as J'ones stood in bewildernment.

In the door stood Negan, with his beady eyes, with a smirk staring down J'ones, holding his bat/paddle, slowly approaching J'ones.

"Ohhhh. Ohhhhhh. You guys. You guys. Who else was in on this." said J'ones half laughing.

"I am gonna get you. I am gonna get you guys next year. I swear man. I am gonna get you back for this." said J'ones as Negan slowly walked towards J'ones until he finally got close enough. He extend his bat and gently tapped J'ones's nose with it.

"That was a good prank" conceded J'ones.


	5. Chapter 5 -- Derrick and Gary

**Chapter 5 – Derrick and Gary**

 _September 22, 1989_

 _3:00 AM_

 _Privateer Heights Hall Dormitory, Room 529 West_

"What is cold, blue, and doesn't move?" asked Jessica

Derrick and Gary looked at each other and Shrugged.

"A dead baby in a freezer" answered Jessica

"Good one" said Gary

"How many people with ADD does it take to change a light bulb" asked Derrick

Jessica and Gary shrugged.

"Hey, wanna ride a bike" said Gary.

Jessica and Gary looked around.

"Oh, I get it. Good one." said Jessica.

"Hey, does anybody want to play a card game," asked Derrick. "I am thinking Spades."

"Sorry, I am getting sleeply, gotta head back to my room. Gotta be very sneaky so no one catches me here. I am not even supposed be here." said Jessica as she headed out.

"Bye" said both Gary and Derrick at the same time.

"Man, thats that nanny state bullshit I've been talking about. Just like with weed man. Fucking government and dorm authorities." said Gary as she left

Derrick and Gary are roommates, chosen by lottery at the beginning of the semester. Their 3rd week in, they've just began to get to know each other. At around this time, they oftentimes have random "3 AM discussions," sometimes with the aid of beer and/or pot. Topics includes philosophical and political discussions, tasteless jokes as above, hobbies and funny life stories, random games they invented, and other random nonsense. Jessica is a common friend they recently made about a week ago who lives 4 doors down and sometimes joins in on their conversations. All three are 18 years old and freshmen. The dorm has a visitation rule that requires visitors of the opposite sex to leave before 11 PM, loosely enforced, with a $25 fine for first offenders.

"I'll probably go to sleep in 30 minutes. I have work tomorrow at 10" said Derrick.

"Man, that sucks, work on the weekend. Oh well." replied Gary.

"Hey, wanna see something cool." continued Gary

"Um, ok" shrugged Derrick.

"But you _have to_ promise not to tell anyone. Ok." said Gary.

"Sure" said Derrick

"No. I am dead serious. Absolutely Do. Not. Tell. Anyone." said Gary sternly.

"What is it, your shitty fanfiction or stupid poems?" teased Derrick.

Gary unlocked his room closet, and pulled out a small safe. He then unlocked the safe with a hidden key and pulled out the contents. I was a collection of random used wristbands, of various patterns, roughly 30 of them.

"Wristbands? You have a wristband collection?" asked Derrick, confused and puzzled.

"Yo, check it. I collect these from various parties that local frats, sororities, festivals, cubs, farmers markets throw." said Gary

"So that you can show people the parties you've been to and pretend that you're not lame as shit." joked Derrick

"No man. I cracked the code. See, there's only so many patterns they can use before they recycle them. They're not very smart and extremely lazy. Once you get a critical mass going, you can get into any party for free without paying cover charges. By now, I am probably covered up to 10 to 20 percent. Probably 40% for that Negan fraternity, cause they're even dumber than average." said Gary proudly

"Man, that is way radical." said Derrick impressed.


End file.
